I would love to share my testimony of God’s goodness, belief, and patience in my life, and how I experienced Him as a teenager moving from Australia to a developing Asian country. God revealed what it really means to live for Him in giving me the opportunity to put my life in His hands in such a tangible way. In essence, He has led me to experience the privilege and joy of living for Him alone.
Sitting as a family on Christmas day in 2024, Dad and Mum shared that they had spent time with God and offered for our family to move overseas after experiencing Him stirring their hearts about a particular country. It was the last thing I expected them to say! Immediately my mind jumped to what it would cost me and what I would be missing out on – leaving my community, friends, and the last year of high school in Australia.
I didn’t understand at first why we would offer to move somewhere if God hadn’t explicitly told us to go – we were giving up something that felt so precious, without Him asking us to. I remember Dad reminding me that it’s our privilege to join Jesus in what He’s doing, rather than leave Him to do it alone. I also appreciated my pastor’s encouragement for my siblings and I to make the move our own and discover our personal responses to God.
Despite this being the desire of my heart, I found it difficult to let go of my plans for my life and embrace where my parents were leading me and what God was inviting us all into as a family.
In the lead up to leaving home, God continued to shed His light on my comforts, securities, and values which were not in Him. Ultimately, I faced the question, is He truly my everything?
As God guided us and we took each step, I saw the other things I had given value to, such as my friends, my studies, my ambition for the future, and other worldly validation. In moving I had the opportunity to see the reality of the place I gave them in my life. Seeing these things in God’s light was very humbling and stark, as God opened my eyes and revealed His truth.
Although I experienced “breakthrough” moments where I’d see glimpses of my heart, I was still living in turmoil, torn between my flesh (my human desires, fears, and rights to myself) and my simple heart’s response to God. Through the chaos of my emotions and internal conflict, God’s tender and steadfast love continued to touch my heart and draw me when I let myself soften. In my weakness, I experienced His unconditional love, patience and belief in my heart, which still amazes me.
I think this was the first time I experienced being truly broken, humble and weak before God. Discovering how incapable I am in my own strength, God drew me into dependence on Him and those around me. I know I want to live the rest of my life this way: depending on Him in everything and looking to Him and His ways, not my own.
I remember sitting at the piano playing the worship song ‘Oceans, Where my Feet may Fail’.
Although I had felt so resistant and resentful at times, I was totally broken by the lyrics in the verse:
“Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters, wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger, in the presence of my Saviour”
I instantly knew that these words were the true expression of my heart. I love how God knows exactly how to speak to each one of us, often revealing to us our pure response to Him regardless of where we are at.
I see now how God wanted me to experience the joy of total dependence on Him by abandoning myself.
However, despite such moments of clarity and conviction I still struggled to totally put my life in God’s hands and believe in His perfect love and provision, I continued to worry about what I’d miss out on. My resistance to surrendering myself was something I battled with all year. I was waiting to humanly feel ready to accept the move rather than doing it by faith alone. Realising how misleading my human emotions are and how they don’t reflect my heart’s desire has been something that I’ve continued enjoying to learn.
I also recall my Pastor’s wife saying that entertaining my doubts and fears is like “inviting thieves into my house”. Although they will continue to knock, it’s absolutely my choice to invite them in to stay. This truth of the power of my choices is something that has stayed with me.
During my last worship meeting in Australia, I was praying to God as I still lacked humanly positive feelings about our fast approaching move. I felt guilty that I didn’t have the “right feelings”, which made me doubt whether I was committed, faithful, or strong enough for the journey God had invited me to join Him on. I prayed to Him asking for His help, and then claimed the move despite my feelings. Instead of looking to my own strength and waiting for my human feelings to catch up to my heart (which would have made me feel secure), I see now how God wanted me to experience the joy of total dependence on Him by abandoning myself.
After praying to Him, I had the sense that God gave me a “new heart”. He purified and transformed me. This was something beyond me that only He could do when I completely surrendered my life to Him. God’s belief in me was so touching – my feelings didn’t matter to Him and I discovered the joy of choosing to move forward by faith rather than waiting to feel equipped. God taught me to start living in what He has called me to before I understood it myself. His love, belief and patience is beautiful. He really does know the desires of our hearts and often before we do.
The reality of living in a developing Asian country has had both its challenges and blessings, but overall I’ve loved experiencing the simple joy of life with Jesus. I’ve been through periods of feeling isolated, flat, and pushed to my limits, particularly completing my final year of high school through distance education. I also compared myself to my peers at times and felt the cost of what I had left behind, which gave me opportunities to discover how to surrender these things to God.
I’m learning to live in vulnerability and in rest, and take on God’s joy rather than placing value on my human feelings.
Being in Asia without our church community or school friends has drawn our family together in new and unexpected ways, which is one of the most precious gifts God has given us. I’m learning to live in vulnerability and in rest, and take on God’s joy rather than placing value on my human feelings. I’m discovering what giving myself means to God; how to give beyond my perceived limits so as to give the complete expression of my heart. I feel weak in this area, and I love depending on God and discovering how His love flows through me when my focus is on Him.
Living away from community has taught me to tune into God’s direction in ways I hadn’t previously experienced, which has built a firm foundation for my personal love relationship with Him. At the same time, experiencing the support and care of our church Body from afar has been so touching, something I never want to take for granted.
Looking back it is lovely to see that what seemed out of reach and impossible is now my truth and reality: the absolute privilege and joy of living here, where God has called me to be, alongside my family. We have been abundantly blessed. Time and time again, we experience God’s sweet touch, generosity, and humour in the small details of our lives.
This is a journey I have started on but one which Jesus walks with me every step of the way.
The greatest blessing has been to grow deeper in love with God, to be an expression of Him and each day be able to fulfil His Will in my life. God has made real to me the privilege of sacrifice for Him. How blessed am I to have something valuable to give God in this life, every day, to live in the reality of what I’ve committed to Him.
I thank God for stripping back my humanity, transforming my heart, and giving me the opportunity to anchor my life in Him alone. I want my life to continue to be a testimony of God, wherever He leads me. This is a journey I have started on but one which Jesus walks with me every step of the way.
– Zara
